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Fully leveled-up video game character marvels at how far he’s come

The Onion:

WINDHELM, SKYRIM—Having completely filled out his skill tree, obtained every unique item, and successfully completed each quest and subquest within the expansive virtual world of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, fully leveled-up video game character Dagmar Brightbane this week fondly reflected on his substantial accomplishments within the fantasy realm, marveling at just how far he’s come.

Speaking with reporters at his lavish and well-stocked manor in the eastern city of Windhelm, the level 252 mage-archer told reporters that he was amazed at all he had seen and accomplished since his humble beginnings as an inexperienced dark elf fresh out of character creation.

The Onion at its finest.